Self-care guide for busy mums
Learning to slow down and practise self-care
As busy mothers, self-care is something we are often not very good at. We race around caring for everyone else: cooking, cleaning, washing, tidying, shopping, organising . . . and often put ourselves at the bottom of the priority list.
This is a natural instinct – after all, little people need to be looked after!
However, if we carry on like this we may become stressed and burnt out and then we wouldn’t be any use to anyone!
But, even just a few minutes snatched here and there can really make all the difference. If we intentionally set aside just a few moments in our day or week to slow down and practise a bit of self-care we will feel more refreshed, inspired and happier, putting us in a better position to serve our family.
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Gratitude
Let’s begin with gratitude.
Gratitude is probably the single most important thing we can practise for our own self care.
A positive mindset can help us get through those days that we would otherwise find challenging or tiring.
We all have them – a screaming toddler, a baby up all night, a mess of a house, a teen with attitude, shopping that needs to be done when you already have a million other things to fit into your day.
So, how can we possibly fit in time for ourselves?
Well, for those days when we simply can’t , then having a positive mindset can carry us through.
Perhaps we need to change our perspective.
Yes, the house is a mess, BUT it is a mess because our children are playing and we are sharing meals together: we are blessed to have a family and the mess is part of the memories we are building together; the shopping that needs doing enables us to provide nourishing meals for our growing children, and allows us to spend quality time together around the kitchen table.
If we change our perspective, then those things that get in the way or cause stress can be seen as opportunities and blessings.
I have five children, so life has always been busy. At one stage, I had three children under five years old. It was tough, but looking back those were some of my favourite times.
I want to reassure you that things do get easier, children become more independent and older siblings begin to help out . . . and before you know it, suddenly you are not needed as much.
Count your blessings
“Today we will connect with each other, bring joy into our lives, nurture and encourage what we love to do and celebrate each other for being exactly who we are.”
Anne Ohman
Towards the end of this article are lots of ideas on how you can find time to slow down and practise self-care, but first let me take you back a few years . . .
This morning was one of those rare quiet mornings. Normally I have several children bounding into my bedroom and into my bed, a tangle of noise and busyness.
But today was different.
Everyone seemed to wake up quietly.
It felt calmer.
I could hear the birds singing outside. I could feel a gentle breeze coming from the open window. And when I sat up I could see my little three year old standing at the window taking everything in.
In the next room I could hear my other children playing together nicely and beside me lay my husband still deep in slumber.
I felt blessed to have my family around me and to see everyone so content.
It is so easy to get swept up in all the hustle and bustle of life, to plough on with the day’s demands and to forget that life doesn’t have to be about all those demands.
Many of the things on the ‘to do’ list are actually self-imposed. I have an enormous ‘to do’ list floating around my head, but that day, feeling the serenity from the calm start to the day, I decided to put that list on hold.
To stop.
To become aware of everything around me.
I had a bath. I read. I wrote.
I was blessed that my husband was able to take over from me and look after the little ones so that I could look after myself.
That little parcel of self-care enabled me to feel rejuvenated and gave me the breathing space to fully appreciate all the wonderful things in my life, that I may otherwise have not noticed that day.
It is so important to count your blessings.
To be thankful for all that you have.
Even if you don’t actually have much there is always something to be thankful for.
No matter how small.
There are so many things I am grateful for.
The sun shining. The birds singing. A cup of tea after a long day away from home. Home – whatever that may be. A smile from a stranger. A hug from a loved one.
Family
I am blessed to have a wonderful family. I met my lovely husband at University and now, more than two decades later, we have five wonderful children. I admit that not every day is easy – just like everyone else we have piles of laundry to get through, squabbles to sort out and messes to clear up. But amidst all of that we have so many wonderful moments. So many blessings.
I count our blessings in the small things, the everyday things that are so easily overlooked. Moments that I know I will look back on when I am old and remember with great fondness. The little ones both trying to sit on my lap together, a hand inside mine as we go out for a walk, snuggling up in bed to feed my littlest, a squeal of laughter, excited voices telling me something important, a special goodnight kiss.
I feel privileged that I am someone’s wife, that someone chose me, that they wanted to share the rest of their life with me.
I feel privileged that I am a mother. That I am able to see my children growing up and blossoming.
I am blessed that all my children are healthy; that I am healthy; that I get to spend time with them; for every moment we get to share, because we never truly know how long we will all have together.
I am thankful for the gift of time.
The precious present.
Collect memories
or photo albums that you can share together
For me the endless jobs that need doing and the constant mess and noise that accompanies five growing children can often seem overwhelming. But I know that someday, when my children have flown the nest and the jobs are few and far between, the washing pile is non-existent and the house is tidy and quiet, I will long for noise and mess, because what goes with all that noise and mess and general busyness is memories.
Memories of the games my children played – the cardboard box dens that filled the entire lounge; the dressing up clothes discarded on the floor of the hall as a more enticing game took over; the muddy wellies kicked off and left by the front door after a walk in the woods; the mayhem of gathering everyone together to share warm soup and fresh homemade bread on a dark winter evening.
For the struggles of making ends meet, of having to make do or go without I am thankful – for it makes me appreciate what we do have, and on those times when we can afford a little extra then I appreciate it all the more.
It is the things that are free that are the truly special things.
The natural world
We are a home-educating family and I am privileged to be able to set a rhythm to our days. As part of that rhythm we try to spend time outdoors every day, immersed in nature, either playing, walking or exploring. We are fortunate enough to live near lots of beautiful beaches and magical woodland, but beauty can still be found in the middle of a town or city.
When time is short one thing we love to do is a ‘dice walk‘: we throw a dice and if it is odd we go left, if it is even we go right. That way we never really know where we will end up. But last year we added a twist to it: we go slow; we stop and notice things. And sometimes after an hour we have only walked a few roads away from our house but we have had a truly immersive experience. We try to use all our senses: we look for the beautiful, the unusual, the everyday; we inhale the smells around us – moss, flowers, the crisp air; we feel the scaly lichen and the bumpy rocks used in garden walls; we taste the rain and we savour the blackberries growing in the hedgerow in the park; we listen to birds calling and the sounds of the wind rustling in the trees. And as we walk we take chalk with us and we draw arrows to the things we have found and label them so that other people in our community can stop and notice and enjoy them to. On the first crisp morning after a particularly hot summer my son wrote “STOP! Can you feel the seasons changing?” I loved that my son noticed this change in the seasons without me pointing it out.
Finding time to slow down
But in todays hectic world it can be so hard to slow down enough to stop and reflect, to appreciate all the small stuff.
To be truly living in the moment.
To be truly thankful.
There always seems to be something that needs doing. Somewhere you need to get to. But even in this fast paced life of western society it is possible to slow down, even if it is for just a few minutes each day or week. The benefits are enormous and well worth the effort. But sometimes you do have to make a conscious effort.
If you are finding it hard to find time to slow down during your day to day life then you could try to schedule it in or think about how you can change your daily life. There is always something that can be tweaked somewhere, an activity that could potentially be dropped, something you can say no to or a few minutes that can be found at the start or end of each day, or after a meal, either alone or together as a couple or as a family. I am still working on getting up before everyone else. Sometimes I manage it and sometimes I don’t. But when I do my whole day seems to go better. I feel calmer and better equipped for the day’s demands.
Self-care when you can’t get time on your own
Time to ourselves can be lovely, but there will inevitably be times during your life, especially when you have a newborn or a toddler on the scene, when it is pretty much impossible. But that doesn’t mean that time for self-care is something you can never have.
Self-care can still happen even when you are in a group of people. Altering your daily rhythm, changing your perspective, embracing a slower way of life and adding activities that nurture your body and soul can provide many opportunities for self-care.
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Slowing down and self-care ideas
Below is a list of things you could do individually, or as a family, to help you to slow down and give yourself a little bit of much needed self-care time.
5 minutes or more . . .
Get up a few minutes before the rest of the household
This can be hard to achieve, especially when you have had a rough night with little ones or your bed is just so warm and cosy. But just a few minutes to yourself, in the still and calm at the start of the day, really can make all the difference to how your day turns out. Use those moments to gather yourself – enjoy a quiet cup of tea or coffee, read a few pages of a book, pray, do some yoga or simply set the breakfast table and prepare resources for the day. This will help you start the day feeling organised and calm.
Light a candle
On your own or as a family at mealtimes. I always find it quite amazing how the simple act of lighting a candle at meal times can instantly gather everyone around and lower the noise levels. It can be useful to set mood and create a calm atmosphere for reflecting. My favourite candle is the Amour Natural Relaxing candle scented with lavender, geranium and ylang ylang.
Play a special song that helps you feel calm
One of my favourite things to do. If I am ever feeling stressed and just need a moment to myself I love to play a favourite song through You Tube. It is usually just the music but sometimes I watch the video too if it has beautiful images on it. I find Geoffrey Oreyma, A Boy and his Kite, Hollow Coves, Chicane, Enya and Clannad particularly calming.
Savour a special cup of tea on the doorstep
Just a few minutes sitting on the doorstep with a cup of your favourite tea in a special mug is sometimes all you need for that little bit of self-care in a busy day. Just enough to get you through. A moment of calm. If your children are old enough to be left unsupervised for 5 minutes or so, put on a short episode of one of their favourite television programmes and make the most of that time to do a bit of cloud or bird spotting or to feel the sun or breeze on your face as you savour your drink. You really will feel refreshed, even after such a short time.
Keep a gratitude journal
This can just be in a simple notebook and could be as simple as listing three things daily that have made you happy that day or that you are grateful for. If you want something more structured you could try a journal from The 52 Lists Project series or something similar. Just the act of recording the things you are grateful for is really affirming.
Chat
Just stopping whatever you are doing to give someone a few minutes of undivided attention is lovely not only for them but also for you. It provides a time to catch up, slow down and reconnect.
Stop.
Look around you. . . and savour the moment.
one day you may look back and realise these were the big things.”
Unknown
I love doing this! And it only takes a few seconds or minutes but it is so worth it. When my home is filled with noise and busyness I will sometimes take time out to spend a few moments just observing and watching what is actually going on: listening to the sound effects one of my little ones is making in a game they are playing; looking at the interactions between siblings; the laughter; the games. Sometimes I just wish I could freeze time and make some of these moments last forever.
Half an hour or more
Get outside
The act of just going outside after being cooped up for a few hours can be so restorative. So calming. So grounding. Fresh air and a change of scene. Getting out in nature – whether it is half an hour pottering around the garden, a short walk in the woods or along the beach, or a quiet bench beside a stream – is one of the best forms of self-care there is. Connecting with nature and noticing seasonal changes can really boost our wellbeing. You could have a go at the Japanese practise of Forest Bathing or perhaps try something more adventurous.
Read
Making time to snuggle up with a blanket, hot drink and a chapter of a good book is a really good way to slow down. We try to incorporate a Morning Basket into our days where we do read alouds together as a family. This can be particularly challenging with a whirlwind of a toddler in the room so I try to have an activity (such as playdough, colouring or toy cars) close at hand that little hands can engage in as I read.
I also have a Mama’s Basket beside my rocking chair in the kitchen that has a handful of books just for me. Having a Mama’s Basket is perfect for your own quiet time first thing in the morning.
Have a bath
A good way to unwind and feel relaxed. Pamper yourself with a favourite drink, a good book and some candles.
Do yoga
Sometimes we do this as part of our day and when we do I feel relaxed yet refreshed afterwards. I find that as my mind is focused on each exercise it is an easy way for me to block out the ‘to do’ list of the day and to be present in the moment.
Play a board game
“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”
Bernard Shaw
As this is such an immersive and social experience it is the perfect way to slow down, be present and connect with those around you. There are many, many different games to choose from to suit all abilities and interests. It is a pastime that is beginning to grow in popularity in recent years, with board game cafes now opening across the country, where, for a small fee, you can choose to play games from a wide range of games available in the café.
An hour or more
Get baking
Put your favourite music on, something calm or cosy, busy or happy, then get baking. Bake on your own or make it a family activity. Enjoy the process . . . and the end result!
Do a craft activity
Just as board games are immersive, so is working on a craft activity. It is easy to become so engrossed that the time just disappears, with the added bonus of having something beautiful at the end. Needle felting, knitting and crochet can be particularly relaxing.
Have a movie afternoon/evening
This can be a purposeful way of slowing down. Deliberately set aside time as something for your family to look forward to doing. Make it extra special by shutting the curtains/ putting cosy lighting on and having an ‘intermission’ with drinks and snacks such as popcorn and crisps. Get your children to make ‘entrance tickets’ for everyone.
Celebrate the seasons/ natural cycles
Go on a full moon walk . . . and throw a moon party!
This is something that can run throughout the year. It can be as simple as setting aside time to have a walk each season in a place that holds special value to your family. Other ideas include marking the solstices and or/ equinoxes with a special meal or keeping phenology wheels, which help you to slow down and notice the changes taking place in nature over a period of time. As a family we mark each full moon with a small celebration. Our children love this and eagerly anticipate each full moon party. We usually share a special meal and a walk together, do crafts related to each moon, sing together and toast marshmallows on a campfire in the garden.
Blessed
Once you feel rested then you are more able to appreciate the things around you that you may otherwise take for granted. Just as rushing about can lead to feeling stressed and overwhelmed so the opposite is true: by taking time to slow down then you will inevitably feel more relaxed and more able to notice and appreciate the abundance in your life.
You will feel rested and refreshed.
You will be present.
You will be able to connect better with others at a deeper level.
You will feel grateful for all that you have.
You will feel blessed.
There will always be things to yearn for . . . to dream of . . . but here, right now, I am happy.
I am blessed and for that I am thankful.
Further resource ideas:
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This means that we may receive a small commission, at no cost to you, if you make a purchase through the link. Please see Disclaimer and Affiliate Disclosure for more details ***
Slow Down: 30 Mindful Activity Cards by Emily Sharratt and Freya Hartas
The Things You Can Only See When You Slow Down: How To Be Calm In A Busy World by Haemin Sunim
Hygge: The Danish Art of Happiness by Marie Tourell Soderberg
Unless otherwise stated images are free stock photos taken from Pexels, Pixabay or Unsplash